Did everyone notice Keeled Over clicking away merrily to provide photographic confirmation that Towed is not making it all up below? Well, the above shot was the only one to reach the camera's memory. So we'll just have assume that the following drivel is something near the truth: GM

There's a new disease in the Hash. It only appears to affect experienced Hashers but seems to be highly contagious within this group. It's called paper blindness and it manifests itself as a sudden inability to see paper followed by an urge to rush off in completely the wrong direction. Yes, you guessed it. Towed managed to lose most of the front runners on this week's event!

Around 32.5 (The King was running again - GM) hashers including a worryingly significant number of Horrors foregathered at Towed Hall for the 4pm start to find a worrying absence of Hares. However, they were not lost, just temporarily delayed and arrived 5 minutes later in a car. What was this? Had the trail been laid from the vehicle? Soon all was revealed as the GM called for order and the hares explained that this week's run was a Point to Point (or A to B as the Master insists). No clues were given as to where it was going, only that it started at Towed Hall and finished somewhere else, there were 8 checks of which 3 were holding, lots of mud and turds but no leeches. This was going to be a tough one and instead of leeches we were going to have snakes.

The run set off towards Khokana and Check 1, then down into the valley to Back Check 2. The runners were sent off on a long loop whilst the Shortcutters had a gentle stroll down to Holding Check 3 below Khokana. Up the steps to the edge of the village and then down again to another holding check by the Suspension Bridge across the Bagmati at Tauthali. No one was fooled by the Hares efforts to mislead from here and headed straight for the bridge led by Keeled and Sideways. Shortcutters were held back and the runners allowed to head off for Check 5 round the back of the leprosy hospital. This one got Jalak and Hurry K heading off towards the power house and the rest of the pack up a steep and tortuous trail through the forest to THE CHECK THAT GOT EVERYONE. What should have been a relatively straightforward back check saw most of the pack heading up the hill - next stop Haatiban - on paper re-laid by local urchins who seemed to have more idea than many there as to what hashing was about. They seemed to have taken so much paper from the check that Grumble thought he had followed a 1.5km false trail. Despite the Hares' instructions about staying on paper, the pack disappeared. Paper blindness appears to be accompanied by deaf/muteness as despite the Front Hare's lusty cries of "on-back" and eventually "stuff you" they were never seen again.

The foregoing allows this narrative to focus on that oft-forgotten group of hashers - the walkers. They made it to holding check 7 without any problem and after waiting some time for the runners to appear were given the instruction they had all been waiting for - "check it out, it's that way" with which the back hare disappeared back down the trail (is this why its called back hare?) to see if he could find the front runners. It is understood that the group made it home, along with the front hare, who was now at the back, accompanied by Guy, Bengt, Hurry K and Jalak who had had the sense to stay on paper and do what the Hare told them, without any further incident. The lost ones reappeared in dribs and drabs, but not before the hares had despatched a vehicle up the main road to seek them out. Swift refreshment was followed by the drive back to Towed Hall where the circle took place.

First to be hauled in was Grumblewald for grumbling about the GM's inability to form a circle before the circle had even commenced. Then the Hares were summonsed to receive a score of 9.9 on the new system for some unknown reason - other hashes would have given automatic Hashit for losing so many. They were immediately given second down-down for being cruel bastards according to Guy. This was, of course, totally unjustified and he should have had the down-down for being a wimp.

Virgins were next on the GM's list, the family Palmer- Roger (Kept Man), Helen, Jennifer, Elena and Harry plus young Norwegian Lande, who all managed to demonstrate how a down-down should be done i.e. tip it on your head if you can't finish as opposed to the prevalent technique of tossing it over your shoulder exhibited by some who should know better.

HHHH then welcomed a Newcomer Shinihi from Japan who is clearly misguided for two reasons. Firstly that he was on the hash and said he would return; (when did you uncultured lot last see a semi-colon in the Trash?) (Keeled Over, as a professional sub-ed, is this correctly used - GM) and secondly because he thought Japan was going to win the World Cup (when we all know it will be Finland).

Custard Tart was called in by Lil (possible hash name "Handphone" - no, it must be Handfun - GM) for winning some medals. Apparently what she was good at was throwing things. Why the school needed to take her to Malaysia to find that out when her mother could have told them, I don't know - picking 'em up is the usual problem. I also fail to understand why anyone should be fêted on the Hash for being successful. (Thats enough of Towed family squabbles - GM)

Head Chopper (Hedge Hopper?) was next to suffer Wrotter's Wrath for knowing better than the , and was also invited to run the circle since he had so much to say. The GM hastily intervened when realised that this was a plot to consume all the Hash beer along with Sock Sucker. Third-time Hare Ian, the other son of Towed, was finally found a Hash name - Tadpole (soon as we lose one Pole, we gain another). Then Doma received the traditional accolade for carrying ski poles on the hash (more Poles?).

Grumble was called in again, along with Bengt for being Danish and winning. The major disappointment was that no French hashers turned up to celebrate their stunning start to the World Cup. Handfun was also called in because the Norwegians were non-participants (and probably for repeated handphone use in the circle).

The GM was then given a down-down for forgetting something that I can't remember - ah yes, calling for volunteers for next week's hash when he already has it on the website, plus not sending out any emails this week, despite the fact that his email of 14th March stated that there would be NO MORE HASH EMAILS.

There was then a long and hard search for a successor to Bog Trotter before awarding both Hashit, and Hash Name Dead Dog to Gavin in response to the skills of his taxi driver on the way to the Hash. As usual control was lost somewhere around this point and the circle declared social drinking. Thanks to Mrs. Rotter and Mrs Towed for the excellent snacks.

OnOn

Towed