The Hares

The Virgins

Wank while you drink

The Newcomers

Some of the real returnees

Little lost girlies

The girls in the back keep smiling through adversity - Rani had just farted. Seems to have affected Tadpole's camera as well.

This could be the shortest trash on record, given a total absence of notes, victimisation in the circle by The Fox and an inability to follow paper on the day. However, I'll do my best to make it long and boring, as I understand the run was.

The Hares announced a number of things:

• Beaufort was not Apple

• There were two separate runs, or rather a run and a walk

• Walkers should go on the walk and runners on the run

• There was no paper for the first kilometre

• One holding check on the walk and three on the run

So 49 hashers set off, led by a whimpering Duckbill who was suffering from Hash deprivation having missed the last two runs. The trail led back across the main road and out on the same track as run 1220 as far as check 1. The usual Turd Herder false trails were run before someone eventually found the right way. One falsie was so long that the Hare had to call everyone back before they reached the end. It was at this point that I lost contact with paper, meeting up with the pack some 5 minutes later at a point where everyone else seemed to lose paper as well. The run was clearly headed down into the ravine and across the river so, after running yet another false trail, Tadpole, followed by Towed and Keeled Over (who had announced to all and sundry that he knew where the run was going) set off down into the ravine whilst the rest of the pack ran around like headless chickens. The three of us headed up into the pine forest along beautiful trails not marred by the unsightly litter of shredded paper - Duckbill had a wonderful time chasing around looking for pheasants - and watched the pack continue to chase around searching for the elusive paper. Eventually "On-On" was called and we laughed as we saw the pack heading back to the urban sprawl.

The four of us looped round behind Budhanilkantha School and back across the main road at which point Tadpole, clearly suffering the effects of two weeks at sea level and no exercise for about 6 weeks, headed back to the On-In, whilst the rest of us continued to contour round the valley intending to link up with the pack at some as yet unknown point.
As we were working our way back down towards the On-In, Keeled spotted a western female heading up the track, closely followed by two ragged children so we decided to follow her, discovering soon that it was none other than Returnee Emily, having flown in on the Thai flight that afternoon and decided to head straight for the Hash. Raggedy children turned out to be nothing to do with her and had fled before we caught up. Rewards for her dedication would be meted out later.

A pleasant run in saw us pass a slightly lost Custard Tart and Patricia and we arrived back at the On-In marginally ahead of the rest of the pack who should really have been still waiting for us at Holding Check 2! The walkers soon followed, complaining bitterly about the guided tour of the valley rim that they had just experienced. It turned out that Bog Trotter had been so engrossed in conversation (or yacking as her better half described it) that she managed to completely miss the trail they should have taken and led them on a marathon climb.

After a suitable respite The Fox called the circle to order - clearly all the discipline instilled in the Hash during the Master's prolonged visit to Kabul has disappeared in the space of one hash on his return - and eventually the pack established some sort of amorphous and vaguely round shape.

Down-downs were awarded as follows:

• The Hares - Bog Trotter, Turd Herder and Beaufort: 9.89 - clearly a crap run to score so low

• Andrea and Jurgen for being virgins (and bringing an air of respectability to the former residence of Grate Dane Bengt)

• Geoff and David for being newcomers, or possible visitors, who are increasing the cost of bringing water to Kathmandu. Does it take 2 Brits to replace one Japanese?

• Emily, Patricia, Pinchi and Tadpole for being genuine returnees

• The Palmer clan, the rest of the Towed clan, Sideways and someone who looked suspiciously like 69 because The Fox decided that two weeks away was far too long

• Keeled Over, Emily, Tadpole and Towed for straying slightly from the paper

• Patricia and Custard Tart for getting lost and Bog Trotter for losing them, herself and the rest of the walkers

• Berry and David for something

• Etienne for wanking

• The Fox and Towed for crashing

• Tadpole and Towed for new shoes (note that the Towed clan had to emigrate temporarily in order to purchase the Size 12s that Tadpole requires)

• Handphun (who should have been a returnee by the Fox's criteria) Erlinda and Andrea for private partying (which didn't shut them up at all!)

• Berry for backpacking his way round the run

• Next week's Hares - Keeled Over and Hus Kumar for child exploitation

• The Hashit, for being on holiday

Well done to the Hares for setting a run which had clearly not been recced and didn't go where Keeled Over wanted it to, and to Mrs Rotter et al for the Hash catering.