At the end of a dusty track, somewhere approaching the Indian Border, 47 Hashers gathered at the powerhouse below Pharping on a beautiful sunny winters’ afternoon, gazing up at the top of the pipes in fear and trembling. Some 20 minutes after the appointed time the Master eventually got his act together and called the assembled pack to order. He might as well have saved his breath because the Hares had little information to impart other than that there would be a run with checks. The first paper was, to no-one’s surprise, “somewhere up there” - walkers to stay with Carrot Brain.

The pack scattered up the hill, eventually finding paper leading up towards the top of the pipes. This soon petered out but Towed and Dharma knew where it had to go and had soon rediscovered the trail whilst the rest of the pack floundered about below (this may be where we missed Holding Check 1 in somebody’s front room). Barry and Jalak soon caught up and the four of us were valiantly crying “On Up” which suddenly turned to “lost paper” as the trail petered out. After much searching up the hill, the trail was eventually called heading south at a lower level. Reluctant to lose hard won height I contoured round, observing the pack from above. Eventually defeat was admitted and I headed off down to join everyone at what was possibly Holding Check 3 (but I doubt if even the Hare knew) at the old suspension bridge across the Bagmati.

Tadpole soon called paper across the bridge and the pack set off over the river and across the khet through threatening, wolf-infested territory. The trail then started to climb up steep landslides and through villages, passing occasional checks, down into ravines and along some excellent running trails. Hayden was seen to be brutally abusing poor Jathra, at one stage even trying to hang him by kicking him off a terrace whilst still holding on to his lead! (My spell checker offers Martha, Anthrax or Jarhead as alternatives to Jathra!) Emil was managing to show that some Norwegians can keep up the pace (Reider usually exceeds it but is well compensated by Handphun) and some of our North American returnees were seen to be taking the easy way out. Eventually, after about one and a half hours of running, we came to a check, which the Hare declared as a holding check by hastily drawing a third circle in the dirt, from where we looked straight down onto the new suspension bridge. The Hare then had to go back and sweep up the remnants of the pack, some of whom were spotted halfway down to the river, heading for the bridge. When the Hare called “check it out”, the Master, closely followed by Tadpole, Towed, Sideways ,and a few others took the trail straight down towards the bridge, deciding that enough was enough, despite the Hare’s futile cries of “where are you going? Come back.” (If he’d tried “please” it might have been better.)

We soon discovered why we were called back. All routes seemed to end in vertical drops and it was only by some judicious canyoning, having caught up with Emily, Jedi, Beaufort and Rebecca (why was Beaufort heading into a shady glade with three young women, not one of them a virgin?), that we managed to reach the valley floor and a Holding Check at the new bridge. There was no sign of the Hare and the few devotees who had rashly heeded his calls and followed him further south (in the general direction of Goa) and when the Master led in a few more stragglers the third circle was subtlely removed and we checked it out. Not too difficult as we were going across the bridge regardless of paper!

There was still this underlying doubt that Keeled Over could not set a run in this area without going up the pipes so the tendency was always to check uphill, but the crafty Hare fooled us all (except Sideways who, I suspect, had no intention of going uphill regardless of where the paper went) and the trail stayed in the bottom of the valley where it must have come perilously close to crossing the out-trail. The home arrow was found, to be closely followed by a false trail sign which was ignored. This first home arrow was set around one and a half kilometres from the On-In, presumably to save the Hares having to lay paper across the out-trail. Soon after this point we caught up with the walkers, or at least some of them, who had been excellently hared by Virgin Hare Carrot Brain. Shortly after this, to add to the confusion, a second home arrow was encountered.

After two hours the first runners staggered in to the On-In, followed by the walkers and running stragglers. No sign of the Hare for a while, but eventually all returned safely home, Viggo, the Proudloves, and Nicolet being the last.

As soon as all were in, although not before Sideways, Tibetgal and Air Cooled Engine had made a speedy getaway, the Master called the circle to order and down-downs were awarded as follows:

• The Hares - Keeled Over and Carrot Brain, surmounting new heights in runs scores by achieving 10.1. The Master tried, but failed, to introduce a new system of scoring, specifically for Keeled Over runs, based on rock-climbing grades.

• Virgins: Lisa, who works in a Salty Casino and has taken 5 years to attend her first hash; Emil who is the sole pupil at the Norwegian School (officially confirmed by an Embassy source) and Ira, who came along with tooth-puller Sona.

• Bendy Toes and Jurgen for private partying.

• Hayden, Mutt Jathra, Jedi, Dead Dog, Bendy Toes and Sona for coming back.

• The King who is leaving us for Swaziland (but threatens to return)

• The Big Hare for not laying paper down or up the cliffs that everyone scaled

• Beaufort for Cranking (an interesting combination of falling over and wanking)

• The Big Hare again for not laying enough paper for Towed to be able to follow

• Jurgen for wanking

• Pinchi for leaving, especially since she only came back last week

• The Big Hare yet again for not tarmacking the road to the On-In site

• And finally the Hashit (in absentia) to Handphun for being the next worst thing to a Dane

Next weeks run will be Hared by Jalak and Sideways, which probably means another two-hour marathon, and will be somewhere where the Hash has not been before - watch for the big red arrow on the website.
Well done to Carrot Brain for getting all the walkers back in a tidy group. Shame about the other Hare. Also, well done to Mrs Rotter et al for the Hash catering and to Towed Under who went to the enormous effort of sending Towed out to buy the samosas.

Down-downs for next week will also no doubt go to the Big Hare again for the state of the road to the On-In and Bendy Toes for demonstrating how bad he thought the road back was by avoiding it altogether - the ultimate in Hash Crashes! Fortunately he managed to block the road, thus preventing the rest of the hashers from driving straight on past as they would otherwise have done.

Dear Rotter

I am writing to complain about Towed's account of Hash run 1258. How can he write a decent trash when he missed out most of the best bits by yet again refusing to follow paper! Who does he think he is leading others astray and going wherever the fancy takes him? Whatever made him think that I would set the hash straight up the pipes? I must admit that the paper was a wee bit on the thin side in some places; but I had no option given current government restrictions on hash paper.

The bits which Towed missed out were:

• the run in to holding check 1, which passed though the window of a Rana period cowshed and not someone's living room;

• the spectacular holding check 7, set on the top of the ridge above Danuwar gaun from where you could see all three footbridges over the Bagmati: the two we crossed and one further downstream that I sadly had to miss out from the itinerary;

• the run down through the traditional and 'unchanged since millennia' Danuwar gaun, which is inhabited by an ethnic group who are related to the Tharus;

• the vertical sided winding gully on the way back; and

• the secluded grassy nook from where we saw Apple scrambling around on the hazardous scree slopes on the opposite side of the Bagmati.

Could you kindly insert my addendum into the official sadly lacking version of the trash.

The Hare Keeled Over

P.s. Pharping is spelt inkorrektedly on the trash 'location', as is Gorkhana in Forthcoming Events location.