Let me say straight away that I am fed up with unwarranted criticism of my literary and hashing talents by intellectual minnows such as Keeled Over. If this habit continues I will start following paper all the way and be in a position to provide fully detailed and reliable descriptions of what the Hares laughingly call Hash Runs.

Anyway, it shouldn’t be a problem this week as it was a brilliant run in a reportedly new location with excellent quality of access (apart from the traffic from Chabahil) (c.f. Run 1258).

A record 72 Hashers and four Mutts gathered for this run (eventually, having managed to fight their way through the incessant traffic on the main road) (Towed, give us a break on the traffic - GM). The Hares announced 12 Checks, of which numbers 4, 10 and 12 were Holding Checks. The Master then tried to explain what the Hash was about to the eight virgins and since they all made it back to the end, they clearly had not paid attention. Sideways, as usual, was unclear about which direction the first paper lay, and despite his best efforts “On-On” was soon called and we set off in a vaguely east direction up, down and roundabout, finding occasional blobs of paper. Checks 1 and 2 seemed to be quickly found, so quickly in fact that I have little recollection of them being there at all. Check 3, however, was a different matter entirely. Faced with myriad paths to follow, the pack scattered far and wide from Check 3 (except the idle sods who just stood around at the check and watched us). Eventually, paper was called from 3 directions simultaneously, the Hares having laid such a convoluted route that Legs O’Sullivan, Towed and Sideways (calling a false trail that he’d forgotten he set) encountered paper at the same time. Soon the pack foregathered (nice word Towed. According to my Concise Oxford more accurate than 'gathered'. Can also be written without the first 'e' - GM) at Holding Check 4, with the walkers arriving from the opposite direction shortly afterwards.

From Holding Check 4, the paper could only go one way, up the river, so The Fox, Jedi and I set off along the banks to find the way. Andy, who seemed to have decided to check back along the trail into the check, was the first to find paper but the wily ones were soon able to work their way across the khet and onto the paper ahead of him, soon arriving at Check 5. If the narrative becomes a little loose at this point, its because no-one except Duckbill decided to follow me in my search for paper from here. Having set off up the river again I could see that the trail, once found, was up to my right. Sadly the Hares had selected the site in a 3 mile square sandpit and there was no easy way up the escarpment for me. Eventually, after three failed attempts, I found a path leading upwards and soon came to a check. Feeling the need for company I set off back down the paper leading into the check and soon came upon the pack, milling about looking lost but being led by Sideways (why does he front run when he’s a Hare?).

The next thing I can remember is coming to a Holding Check in the middle of a village, so it may be that I’d run past a few others on the way - given the paucity of paper at the moment, the Hares had been quite sparing in places so it was sometimes difficult to tell when we ran off paper, whether there had been a check or not. The thing was that there were such good running trails (c.f. Run 1258) that it was easy to miss things. The Holding Check was check 10 and paper was soon found with Jedi, Hurry K and The Fox leading the way to Check 11 closely followed by Air Cooled Engine and Towed. From Check 11, which was at a bus stop, the trail apparently led straight down the road to Holding Check 12, carefully hidden from the trail but within sight of the beer - should have been a down-down for the Hares for that. Soon we were all back in except Kate and Nicolet who had managed to miss everything and head way past the On-In finally returning once they found the out trail.
Something of a marathon, although not in the realms of a Keeled Klassick.

The Master delayed the start of proceedings so that sufficient numbers could leave early for there to be enough drink to go round. Early leavers were the virgin Schoubroek family and a couple of other virgins. Down-downs were awarded as follows:

• The Hares - TibetGal, Yogi Hare and Sideways: the apathy of the circle resulted in an average score of 9.9. Had I not been rummaging in Towed Under’s handbag for a pen with which to scribe (yes, she brings a handbag on the hash!) I might have been able to recommend something better.

• Virgins: Lisbeth, who works for something Danish called MS (if its Danish, it probably stands for Missing (Ha)Shit); Jahrem, yet another Norwegian from the Embassy (you think we’d have learned by now) and Teresa who works with Lisbeth and throws beer around. No sign of the other five virgins who left sharpish.

• Grumblewald, Zeppelin, Raphael, Andy and Martina for coming back. (Mikael seemed to have escaped the Master’s keen mind and sharp eyes)

• The Master for calling the returnees Newcomers

• The Newcomers, Wrestler Fiona and Kept Man Craig

• Bendy Toes, Bog Trotter, Sigi and 69 for crashing (not all on this week’s run)

• Handphun for not having any paper in the Embassy and threatening to go out and BUY some

• Raphael for intelligent comment and bringing Mohammed El Gharoud’s legs to the Hash

• Zeppelin and Hayden for being Michelin Men (Girls surely?) (no, dirigibles - GM)

• Lisbeth and Hurry K for taking refreshment on the run

• Birthday people Bog Trotter, Alexander (who’s mum elbowed him out of the way so she could have some free beer) and Oliver

• Hash Horn Ravi for not being able to blow it as well as Custard Tart

• The Master for losing control of the Hashit, given a drink from the Fishit anonymously deposited on Bog Trotter’s doorstep

• Next week’s Hare, Lao Lover (who didn’t get a down-down for volunteering as the Master was conserving beer for himself by this stage)

• Turd Herder and Grumblewald for job swapping

• And finally the Hashit (in absentia) to the Master for losing control of it.

Hash catering rose to new heights with momos, waffles, bread pudding, cakes and all sorts of stuff. Thanks to Mrs Rotter, Towed Under and Roger. Well done to the Hares for an excellent run and for attracting a record pack of 72.

Perhaps the Master managed to miss a major Hash milestone although in this case there may be other reasons for this omission than the usual senility. The Fox is very close to, or has probably completed, 600 runs with HHHH (and that's only the Saturday ones, there are probably a few hundred Tuesday's as well - GM). This was probably two weeks ago, where the records show he didn’t pay, and was therefore missed by the then Master, who was, of course none other than The Fox Himself.