It's always nice when the hash reaches a milestone like its 1300th run and to have that special event with a little something extra. That's why this run was so radically different.

The exhausted hashers trickled in one by one. The final uphill section proved particularly testing and many of the less athletic members could hardly find their way as they were blinded by the sweat pouring off their foreheads. The puffing and panting reached a crescendo as the tail enders struggled in, with Tibetgal last of all collapsing exhausted into the circle. The apparently fantastic turnout was threatening to easily overcome the all time hash attendance record (I would have liked to put in a photo of them all but there would be complaints about most of it being foreground LandRover - GM). The road in was jammed with cars and buses and there were hundreds of hash virgins milling around. At the signing in the not so virginal Run Crafty pleaded his innocence as he tried to pay his hash fee with a suspicious looking thousand rupee note. Controversy had arisen earlier that week from RC's alleged involvement in the Rastriya Banijya Bank heist.

As a result, the 1300 start time for Run 1300 came and went and it was finally at 1335 that the Master called the circle to order and the Hares into the middle. There was clearly some uncertainty as it looked as if the trail had been set before other events took over, requiring a hasty recalculation of checks. After a brief pause for thought and consultation with fellow Hares Apple and Beaufort, Grumble announced nine checks, with one and six holding, and without further ado (or explanation to the virgins), the pack was directed down the hill. Walkers to stay with Apple.

Holding Check 1 was encountered within 200 metres in the middle of a Girl Guide meeting (Girl Scouts for Griot's benefit). At least we didn't have too long to wait for all the walkers to arrive before we were instructed to check it out, but with a very clear instruction not to check down the road into the site as the paper there was to guide the cars in. The Fox, therefore, headed straight off down the road whilst the rest of us headed on back up past the beer, amidst mutterings that we could make this the shortest hash on record. Just at the beer truck the paper started again and the runners set off en masse to follow it. Wrong again, as this was a false trail and within 6 minutes of starting, we were back at the beer truck for the second time, passing the walkers travelling in the opposite direction. Sensible Hashers would have called it a day at this point, but sense has never been one of the HHHH strong points, so we followed Sock-Sucker and Callum onto the right trail. The Fox had seemingly realised the error of his ways, had snuck in behind the pack and was soon calling us on from the front. Newcomer Thomas and returnee Quirÿn were soon leading the way as older legs gave way to their youthful enthusiasm, although in this context it was noted that Yogi Hare was seen walking on at least two occasions early in the run.

A far too obvious Check 2 followed although the trail was not too clear between checks 2 and 3 as Grumble had to do his traffic policeman bit again to guide the pack in the right direction through a small settlement. A long run out followed, during which we passed the walkers again, still travelling in the wrong direction. They were so confused by a) seeing the runners going the wrong way and b) by actually being on the paper, that they all stopped, which only added to the runner's confusion as they thought this must be a check.

Eventually Check 3 was found, although it could have been Check 4 or Check 5. The wily Hurry K and Rotter, closely followed by Towed, quickly picked up the back check that led way down-down, eventually arriving at holding check 6, which was at the same spot as holding check 7 from Run 1291 (see main photo above - GM) . Grumble was unusually insistent that everyone should wait until the last runners arrived - a welcome contrast to his usual treatment of holding checks. Eventually Towed was authorised to check it out on his own, although a rebellious Fox ignored the Hare's instructions and joined him. Paper was soon found, but too obvious to be the real trail (which it actually was) so the intrepid duo continued along the main trail to encounter a plethora of Xs along the way, some with paper leading away from them. The Fox decided that this was too close to the beer and headed off for the On-In whilst Towed took heed of the calls coming from below and followed the pack down even further. Checks 7 and 9 were both back checks, leading eventually to the Temple where those of exceedingly slight stature could seek absolution from their sins by passing through the cave. Clearly your average fat bastard Hasher is beyond redemption.

A short climb back up the hill, the same as that encountered by the later arrivals, led safely to the On-In where the walkers were already ensconced and the pack soon trickled in.

Just before the post-run circle got going Kilroy's catering emporium vehicle spluttered around the corner being pushed up the steep incline by Kilroy's pastry chef. The hash's auspicious thirteen hundredth run and the GM's inauspicious fifty-second birthday were to be celebrated with a feast of quails eggs, bacon rolls, and Bloody Mary soup!

Notwithstanding these delays and distractions, the circle was duly called to order and the trial of the Hares began. Light-hearted compliments about the location of the On-In (flat, easy to get to etc.) were followed by the usual criticisms of a lack of hills along with complaints about backwards false trails and some numerical questions about the sequence of the checks, not to mention the total number. Following a starting offer of 2.5 the Master eventually gave in to popular demand and awarded 9.9 for the run.
Whilst the canapés were being passed around, and in an effort to curry further favour from the Master, Grumble produced a presentation T-shirt to celebrate the GM's 52nd birthday - the event that had prompted the provision of wussy food (quails eggs on the Hash, I ask you?). The shirt boasted a flattering image of the Master, but on the back where he couldn't see it. (I must point out that the hash did not consider the discrepancy between my youthful looks and my actual age worthy of a down-down - GM)

Lots of virgins were welcomed: Thomas who is visiting noisy friends from Ohio; Sharmila; Rosana, who I'm sure said she was from Woking and was working on problems of air pollution and Callum, who was misguided enough to be visiting Sock-Sucker. Amazingly there were also loads of returnees for a Grumblewald run: Mark, Kilroy, Handphun, Griot, Melsa, Paddy Straddler, Quirÿn, Rani, Lettie, Rose and Riley.

The Master seemed to be keen to get on with things and was prepared to only allow one incident on the run to be recorded. Returnee Paddy Straddler lived up to her name, more or less, by crashing even though we were well above the paddy.

There then followed a sad event, the departure of 69. 50 runs late, Towed Under managed to present him with a run 1250 fleece. The Hash wishes him well and looks forward to his threatened intermittent returns in the not too distant future. He'll probably be as difficult to get rid of as the Grate Dane.

On the basis that the RB in RBB stands for Robin Banks, Run Crafty was then called in to explain events of the previous week. The circle did not accept the attempted exoneration of his actions on the basis that it was all Barbara's fault.

There then followed a totally unjustified vilification of Towed, for having possibly been involved in an incident that did not happen but may have involved a Royal Equerry and a senior member of the British Royal Family. Further details cannot be published on this site because of a court injunction preventing publication. However, if you really want to know what went on full details have been published in the Italian press and are widely available on the Internet.

Viaggro was then fêted for arriving late and being another birthday boy, for some reason accompanied by Kilroy (I'm working from notes here - recollection ceased some time ago).

Finally the main event was reached - the reason that we all do this - to give the Hashit to some poor innocent soul. There were few candidates this week - three to be precise - either Beaufort, Apple or Grumble for the total logistical chaos that they had initiated. Since the other two had already held this high distinction, this week's award went to Beaufort.

For the historical record the above chaos happened because the annual ekasdashi/purnima festival at Bishankhu Narayan temple had attracted hundreds of devotees. The crowds caused the on-in site to be relocated at the last minute from below to above the temple. This all came about because the GM had failed to heed Keeled's warnings about the double booking.

It is also worth noting, as a further postscript, that Kilroy had not managed to change his shirt by the time he appeared on his usual Sunday morning slot on local TV.

Thanks to the Hares for an excellent if confusing run, to Mrs Rotter for the usual hash catering and to the Master for organising the quails' eggs.